Friday

#7 & 8

7. Even genius (people/works/art/etc) is inspired from others. Radiohead's infamous 'Creep' was based of of The Hollies classic 'The Air that I Breathe' so much so that Albert Hammond and Mike Hazelwood were given cowriters' credits when Radiohead first released the single.





8. Believe people the first time they show you who they are. Don't let it change you. Don't become bitter or jaded. Sometimes people push the boundaries of our comforts and what we (individually) define as right vs wrong. People usually will not change, and if they do, it will most likely/if ever happen are only when you've been forced to just move on without them. This is not a bad thing.

Thursday

a countdown of things i have learned this year

9. Positive thinking will change your perspective


10. Indeed, sometimes "NO" means "YES"


more to come

Tuesday

i gave him all the love that i had

no matter how bad/sad/down a mood i am in, this song WILL always lift my spirits up...







trust me when i say, this is on repeat.repeat.repeat. all day, every day for the rest of the year.

Monday

3 steps to perfection




:: Steve McQueen ::



a mans man - a la Mister Mcqueen. Although he was a bit rough around the edges, there is something insanely alluring/sexy/necessary about a man who just don't give a care! Although, in all reality, this alone just equals chaos with someone who is no good for conversation and a girl would/could/should only fancy (beginning probably) two drinks in.







The rugged guy who's good with his hands. Caters to her adventurous side and probably can build and fix every broken car, window, closet in his ladies' abode.





:: Townes Van Zandt ::



The guy who she really gets to "understand" through his songs. The tormented soul she hopes/thinks/longs to "save". The sensitive crooner/artistic man who will love/keep her warm through the night and really "pays attention" to all of the little things.


This guy is one the MOST underrated musicians of all time! He is also one of my favorite people that I am insanely intrigued by.



:: Jean-Paul Belmondo ::



He was in one of my favorite films, Breathless. The cynicism his characters usually embraced is both sexy, realistic, and arrogant. But not in a way that makes you want to punch him in the noggin.. the kind that intrigues a lady to delve deeper and see what makes em tick.

Although he's French, I don't particularly care for the French (nor actors generally), buuuuuuuut I adore so many things about this Euro-country:
the architecture, one of my favorite people that was kidnapped by them, their subway system, Montmarde, their pace, films, natural beauty that is appreciated,Brigitte Bardot, and their bread and milk is pretty good too!




*sigh*

2 parts Townes Van Zandt
2 parts Jean-Paul Belmondo
3 dashes of Steve Mcqueen

equals:


maybe this recipe was a bad idea...



Ultimately, whatever you mix to get this guy, not the one he played in movies per se, Paul Newman is my ideal dream boat- unchanged exactly as he was... in love and life.



I cried the night he passed - I think somewhere deep inside, I held hope that his 1960's self would meet up with my current-20-something-year-old self...


... weird.
ok xo








this just in

Friday

this is so awesome. merry effing christmas!

if it's a good marriage, it'll last till 5:30

This is one of my all time favorite movies from childhood. It was the same reference where I learned about writing, marriage, love and movie stars. Neil Simon wrote this screenplay in 1963 which was adapted from Broadway to film in 1967. When I moved to my first apartment in New York after high school, I was doorbell-less, elevator-less and five story walk up with no a/c or heat. Yet, somehow, I was as happy as a clam as I often thought of this film. I felt a connected to Cory and Paul's story every time I ordered a pizza and broke a sweat going to meet the delivery guy downstairs or when I caught a cold in my apartment because I woke up to a pile of snow on my pillow that came from some random windw crack, some other quirky happening occured.

Now I love this film for other reasons...its a testament to how different the perspectives of women and men are as they approach relationships... both arguments valid (and definitely dramatized), twisted in view by the other party, and yet, both equally important.


The Honeymoon stage : Love



The Fight : Contempt



The compromise: thus a more realistic "Happily Ever After"




Here's a timeless breakdown of how relationships work. Maybe not verbatim and of course there are discrepancies... but this my friends, is funny, classic, and a pretty decent portrayal with the happy ending-ish.


enjoy.

kma

Wednesday

stop slouching



don't ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever 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fuck em.





i found blood and i saw stars. all in the backseat of your car...


I have been a little swamped/overwhelmed these days which also induces a self inflicted hibernating mode I kind of get inhaled into...


There are three possible reasons circulating in my brain as to the cause:




1. It gets dark at like 4:30 pm and I am experiencing what is called a "Vitamin D deficiency"

cure: I should probably start taking my vitamins again.

Photo by Aaron Feaver

2. I am getting older and real life problems can't be pawned or pushed to the side with such ease and carelessness as in such youthful previous years of yore.

cure: deal with it.




3. Mercury Retrograde.

cure: Wait it out.



I like the third option... Its so much easier to blame everything on MERCURY RETROGRADE. I will wait it out and in the process I can just blame. I don't like to blame people for any disfunction and I have huge guilt whenever I notice any hints that my brain begins to steer that way, but eff it! It's Mercury's fault and 3 times a year this planet becomes a little bitch and in the process I have a whipping boy who's feelings can't get hurt. It's lose-win-win!

Anyways, I am a little bit in and out and have been going to sleep around 8 or 9pm only to wake up at 3am unable to sleep! It's the pits and it will pass... eventually. I am constantly thinking though.

Thinking of simplicity. Of the way people are where i am from and how bored I used to be, it was so damned quiet..but how I ache for that sameness sometimes. But, I always knew who I was talking to when I spoke to someone... and never felt like I was inconveniencing people like I do out here...


Although it seems *infeasible for the type of person I am at this stage of my life... (it's more for the ready to settle down-phase). This town just drains / exhausts me sometimes.



Or maybe it's my age, I have never lived anywhere else at this age and I think LA is unlike so many other places with a valid normalcy of humanity, so, in turn I have chosen to blame this city ... kind of like I chose to blame Mercury... sorry guys...

Actually it's my fault. I have just had a couple rotten-apple-encounters-that-spoil-the-entire-bushel situations this past year...


I have met / know the most incredible personalities and thank my lucky stars everyday to be so fortunate... However, Mercury being a bitch gives me a green light today to vent!


I think I just need a vacation or commit some folks to Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind clinic... do they have those in Los Angeles? What search word should one use on yelp.com?


x/o

kma



*this is a word... i googled it





Sunday

good bye 20's

I was thinking of all of the things "I nevered" and may be innapropriate to do in my, dare I say, thirties!!!!

Thinking aloud, I must admit, you could NEVER pay me to go through the ages 24 through 26 again... those 2 years were full of "life lessons one can only learn on their own"! But man, when I came out of it... I celebrated my arse off and (because of all the anxiety I had) was super skinny to boot (as in Kate Moss'd be proud skinny).




What didn't I do that we can justify as still being "young and impressionable"?

Well... I never:

+ had a girlfriend where I claimed, "I fell in love with the person not their gender" only to go back to dating men only.

+ backpacked around Europe and enjoyed living in and out of hostels just for the sake of "really experiencing the culture".

+ was known from my days on the reality show (blah, blah, blah).....

+ got married and divorced in the same Las Vegas "White Chapel"...

Now that I can see it all listed out... I guess I didn't miss out too much. I don't like girls "in that way, I have had the opportunity of being propositioned quite a few times... and nope, just not for me... It could be cool to share a wardrobe though..

I have been to Europe a few times and I can honestly say without shame that I am more of an "appreciator of hotels"... especially in Paris!

I know enough people from reality television... so I can live vicariously.

And if I ever do wed, he'd have to be a pretty big deal. Like fight crime or be a carpenter or something like that. I would only do it the one time so I'd have to be pretty sure...

However, I have accomplished a great many things in my day, seen a great many things, loved and have been loved by a great deal of wonderful people... maybe even been disliked too... (but that's ok), I have made mistakes, recovered, learned, matured, blah blah blah...

Point in case: I am ready for the 2nd 3rd phase of my life. It sounds exciting.

reading rainbow :: always on my mind



wild nothing :: live in dreams

Friday

somebody spoke and i went into a dream






Wednesday marked the 30th anniversary of John's death. I was actually due to be born that very day... as a child, I was told that I both refused to share a day associated with such heartache/violence/pain and that I fought coming out into a Lennon-less world...

I still wonder.

a day in the life


woman


jealous guy